New - need help



Posts: 1

Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2017 4:34 pm

Post Fri Feb 03, 2017 5:05 pm

New - need help

My daughter just got out of rehab 5 days ago. (She was injecting Meth for 1-2 yrs.)

I'm trying this whole 'work on myself' that they taught in family programming last weekend but I'm going CRAZY! I'm not going to my first meeting until Tuesday and I needed an outlet now.

Today I suspect she might have already relapsed and I want to die. I mean, 5 days??? Already??? She started IOP right away, went to her first group Tuesday then skipped already last night. (Mind you, she is in trouble with law, on probation, and if she gets discharged from IOP she's in big trouble.) She's hanging out with a friend that she used to use with, claiming she's clean too. I straight up asked her today if she was using (not sure if I'm SUPPOSED to do that or not) and she said no. She fairly honest with me, almost too honest sometimes, about most everything but this is something she would lie about since she just got out of rehab.

My boyfriend does not understand why I'm not out chasing her around, or why I'm letting her basically do whatever she wants to do and I told him - I learned in family programming I can't MAKE her not use... I can't NOT use for her... and I can't follow my 20-yr-old daughter around all day and night, I have my own life. I say it calmly, almost as if I believe it. But in reality I am DYING on the inside and want to burst out in tears and yell and scream and hit things. He doesn't understand anything and didn't pay attention for the short part of family programming that he did attend. I asked him to be there for the sole purpose that he is dealing with me dealing with her and he needs to understand. To at least TRY. So now we are at odds, which is fine because the wider I open my eyes the clearer I see that my problem lies with the both of them being addicts and me being addicted to them. What would I do if I had neither?

The difference between the two of them is that she is an admitted addict who recognized she needed help to stop. She used & used & used til she hit a rock bottom. He on the other hand thinks drinking every day and popping pills once in a while is acceptable. He's been in a committed relationship with drugs and alcohol for over a decade but thinks since he isn't "all in" that he doesn't have a problem. He's "functioning" so it's ok. Obviously I know it's not but living with TWO addicts is killing me. I don't want to go home, I don't want to talk to either of them. I don't take it personally because I don't know it's their crap but I don't like either of them right now.

I cannot wait to go my meeting. I could cry I'm so happy to go. But it's days away. A long weekend away... so any sound advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.


Posts: 1645

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:45 pm

Post Mon Feb 27, 2017 11:57 pm

Re: New - need help

Hope you feel better after the meeting. Keep on going.


Posts: 1390

Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:04 am

Post Tue Feb 28, 2017 10:46 pm

Re: New - need help

I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Our daughter was a meth addict as well; 5 years active addiction. I say was because as of now she has 7 years clean time thru NA. I do not say that to judge your daughter's relapse but to hold out a measure of hope. I also had to learn that I could not control whether she used or not. I had to learn to accept my feelings and work towards my own peace --- that meant working as hard on me as I once had worked on her. I found a support system in groups of other parents I met at my daughter's rehab facility, in face-to-face meetings (both Naranon and Alanon), thru online meetings and support groups, and thru reading. Some of my closest friends I met here in this group although I have never seen them in person. Please come back, hugs - Debi
"Thank God for what you have; trust God for what you need."


Posts: 11713

Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 8:43 pm

Location: Boca Raton, FL

Post Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:20 am

Re: New - need help

Welcome Mom44,

Sorry I am late in responding. I felt your anguish and recognized and related to it.
I share often that it is a sad day when home does not feel like one's sanctuary.
It is a clear sign of need for change and I am very glad you have a meeting to share at
face to face. There is SO MUCH HOPE ! Hold on tight and keep sharing. We can find our
sanctuary again---it may look different but it is a vision to be realized.

Love and Peace,
" We are on to better things, such as owning our beauty and honoring the courage it has taken us to get here and claiming our natural power to heal and be healed." Marianne Williamson

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